oh god the rape fog is back!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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