i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
