I must be too annoying 4 u.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
