Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
