Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Mom said you looked used
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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