a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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