i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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