farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
