i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
