I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you still have your period?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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