i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital