He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.