Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night