Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

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  (202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole. http://tfl.nu/2lml
  Replies (37) Good night (5336) Bad night (909)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.

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  (407): I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA. http://tfl.nu/w336
  Replies (52) Good night (1897) Bad night (4102)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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  (205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk
  Replies (31) Good night (1081) Bad night (3767)
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  (914): View more from New York

  fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.

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  (914): fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no. http://tfl.nu/w88c
  Replies (17) Good night (1159) Bad night (5815)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

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  (401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq
  Replies (35) Good night (8590) Bad night (1497)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

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  (712): Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi http://tfl.nu/26u7
  Replies (3) Good night (2116) Bad night (1063)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..

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  (480): Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona.. http://tfl.nu/wgkj
  Replies (5) Good night (2804) Bad night (1453)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?

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  (+61): I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above? http://tfl.nu/c1r4
  Replies (7) Good night (2068) Bad night (750)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.

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  (708): Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea. http://tfl.nu/kw7e
  Replies (5) Good night (462) Bad night (1430)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out

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  (407): More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out http://tfl.nu/4y5s
  Replies (4) Good night (560) Bad night (973)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides

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  (724): I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides http://tfl.nu/36h7
  Replies (6) Good night (1069) Bad night (370)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm coming right back.

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  (601): Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell? (1-601): I'm coming right back. http://tfl.nu/the6
  Replies (3) Good night (830) Bad night (317)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"

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  (425): Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes" http://tfl.nu/k3vr
  Replies (5) Good night (252) Bad night (507)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone

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  (603): last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone http://tfl.nu/pux0
  Replies (1) Good night (634) Bad night (233)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.

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  (770): One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him. http://tfl.nu/gw4o
  Replies (4) Good night (533) Bad night (225)

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