You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
sex in a hospital.. check
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible