I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
