dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.