im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual