KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk