He kissed a someone with a penis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
did you just send me my own nude
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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