You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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