we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
