it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize