oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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