why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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