It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
