I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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