my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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