Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
