It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
not ubering you a puppy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
