Reggie can tackle my bush.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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