i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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