I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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