I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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