Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
