she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
