she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
