got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
