OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
