is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
