I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
