$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
