I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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