When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
