Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
