I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
