i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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