He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
