Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
