Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
