yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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