Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
