She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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