Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
