Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize