I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
