you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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