Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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