You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
