Only a mothe r could love this liver
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
