I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
