she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
